an ancient Book mentions that…
THERE IS A TIME FOR EVERYTHING.
But, i guess i’m asking myself… is there?
in our fast paced world… it seems like the only thing there’s time for is… well…
there’s no time
it’s always about running
always about #hustling
always trying to reach it…
and often not a time for anything
i’ve been realizing how much my heart is still processing grief. loss. a breaking. a tearing.
and when you’re heart has undergone such a great tearing
i’ve forgotten or maybe misunderstand… been ignorant… that it takes a really long time to heal
and sometimes you’ll find that you’re all-of-a-sudden crying as//your tires feel the crunch of gravel- an unfamiliar feeling because it’s been so long, but a sound that tells you that you should be home// or as you’re stroking the mane of a horse that just stands quietly but so near and i can just lean into her neck and sob and she doesn’t leave and she doesn’t leave//or when you’re walking next to the high way and you’re trying to be ok – trying to accept this new life, but life just keeps swirling on and the cars just keep aggressively whipping by…
from the heart is the wellspring of life and when that vessel has been shattered… it can be hard to believe real life can really flow. ever. again.
but. i’m learning that, whether i have all the answers to that or not… i can take all those broken pieces somewhere
so, when the tears come, i don’t just keep them to myself. don’t just let them drip down and onto my new summer dress and onto the concrete underneath my clad fee. but instead, lean into my Father. the One who stands behind me and catches me and catches my tears and says that it is no small thing. he doesn’t mock me. he doesn’t force me to be better. he holds me. like a little girl who scraped her knee. and he rocks me and he whispers to me.
and i feel a little piece of my heart healing.
even if i didn’t
even if i didn’t have any answers or see any results or make any progress or think all the “right things,”…
my Dad wouldn’t let go of me. wouldn’t stop loving me.
and isn’t that reality what i’ve been yearning for all along?